Saturday, April 9, 2011

was it fate or a choice?

Once in a while when life seems to hang and you feel like you are in limbo not knowing whether there is a straight road ahead of you or a curve with surprises , I wonder was it my fate or my choice I am here in the limbo. What is fate? What was my choice? Did I ever had it? Is everything guided by the invisible hand of karma or fate? Is there such thing as freedom of choice at all? Am I a fool to think that I made the choice without outside influence on my decision and thought? Is it fate that I am a good person or bad person? Do I have a choice to be a good person? or bad person? or is it karma that has made me who I am? I maybe confused and the depression manic is taking control of me. Whatever!

The biggest question and debate I have is on choice of one’s life partner. It all started with my husband saying because of laye, previous life deed that I am his wife. Huh??? Excuse? He meant that he couldn’t have avoided marrying me even if he didn’t want me. Because the great laye made sure that I was his wife. Of course, if this was one of those Bhutanese movie, I will be singing the saddest song of my life about laye and namkey and holding his hand walking out in sunset or maybe around the prayer wheels for all I care. But my reaction was, I was spitting mad at him and wanted to throw something over his head. Being romantic at heart I would have preferred that he choose me above all because he couldn’t have lived without me. No, he had to break my illusion and say that he had not choice there.

For me he was my choice. Fate brought us together, fate or karma made us meet together and feel ease in each other presence. Fate crossed our path. But choice was there for me..open in front of my eyes, either I choose him for my husband or not. Fate didn’t push me to choose him as my husband. For me fate and karma is when there is no choice. Like parents, children, cousins and meeting certain people. Choice is there for us to keep certain people as friends, go on a certain journey. Life always has full of choices and its up to us to make the choice and get the best. And damn if I am going to blame or kiss my fate for getting him as my husband. If I have any issues with laye, I will start by lamenting the time I met him. Yes, that’s where I will start. But the choice of my husband, I will start blaming my foolish heart and romantic notion. Next time, he says that again, I will not hesitate to throw something on his head. He is and was always my choice and not because of my bloody ley and namkey.


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