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Showing posts from 2011

Learning unconditionality

When you are married with someone for a long time you get into a pattern of life. A rhythm you follow everyday and you get so stuck to that routine that you hate anyone breaking it. You loose the flexibility nature of accepting suprises. I realised that I have compartmentalized everyone and couldnt accept if anyone moved away from what I thought they should be doing. Like my husband. I couldnt accept why he suddenly developed a habit of not hearing me when I wanted to talk or work out a problem. Why I felt like he was not there when I needed him the most, or when I thought I needed him the most.And it irritated me to no end when he threw his shoe everywhere and later made me running here and there looking for the other shoe. I wanted my son to do exactly what I wanted him to do and if he wanted to act like any normal three year boy, I will be screaming his name like a fish seller. Now, I don't know how exactly a fishwife sounds like having never been to fish market but the ones th…

The new dynamic look

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The new changes made to the blog look is sleek, easy to navigate and pretty enough to look at. I wish I had wonderful blog with pictures and writing but despite my poor content of my blog, I must say its looking professional sort. Anyone who has photo blog or recipe blog will look nice with different views the new dynamic view the blogger.com has introduced. I can't wait for some of the blogs to change their look to dynamic view. Here is the snapshot of Yeshey-the photographer's blog…looks pretty cool.

Murder in the fish bowl

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Something got in my head that my lil’ boy need a friend. And of course should start learning about responsibility. At this young age. Must be all the books that I have read and the experience that I have encountered got in my head. I don’t know what really got in my head. So we went to Siliguri on a weekend outing and watch a movie. I am not the adventurous kind or a fun kind no matter what I say. But there I was along with my kid and my sis-in-laws to watch a movie of all the things. Of course we made a stop at Water Kingdom which I must say was a good place for children to play in the water. Then I bought five fishes – four goldfishes and one ugly fish the seller claimed it cleans the tank. I told my son, these are your friend and you should take care of them. Mother pearl of wisdom I thought. And the fishes arrived all fine back home along with their grand new home – a big bowl and colored pebbles.

They looked so grand, nice and beautiful. Today is their fourth day here in Bhutan.…

To Thimphu or not to Thimphu

I don't like Thimphu city very much. I enjoy going to Thimphu once in a while and meeting up with my family or catching up with my friends but I don't like the pretentious air, the over crowded with bigger than your pocket vehicles and most of all I don't like how the capital city has moved to become very dirty and dusty. Capital city of Bhutan is heavily populated with civil servants but everyone seems have this artificial income that I fear will soon burst like the bubble. Adam Smith said the economy of the market should be let to the forces of the free hand of the market. The free hand that seems to in equilibrium of demand and supply is the imported goods. No complains here. I have learn to savor the flavor of sea-weed. I love it. And do you know the one made in olive oil is bit expensive? Or the the noodles from Korea where I pay another atrocious price of Nu.80 per packet where as waiwai or maggie cost you like Nu.10 or 12 per packet. Sigh!! I love eating out too. I …

One of those days

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Its one of those days when your baby decides not to go to his daycare school after traveling fifteen minutes to reach the school, when your fridge cooling system dies down in middle of summer, when you are waiting for more than one month for ATM card and find yourself lining up along with all the people sweating and smelling away in glory because its the end of the month and just as your turn comes the banking core system (whatever fancy name they give) gives up. Its one of those days when you simply want a quite moment of your own and your baby decides to play car and dinosaur with you. Or Ben10. Being spider monkey is not the most exciting picture.

Or dinosaur. Or humongousaur









At this rate I am pretty much turning into real dinosaur and bite the heads off of anyone approaching my territory. I am tired, I need rest, I need my fridge back, I need my baby to go quietly to school. I need.....to breathhhhhhh, get my groove back and be super mom again.Sometimes I think..comeon just lil …

The town

Samtse. The only border town that is still boasting handful of shops and is yet to catch up with rest of the development that is taking place in the country. You cross the checkpost and find that atleast the shops of our neighboring countrymen are faring little bit better than ours. Why? Because of the service offered and their capacity to provide anything of basic needs and of course because of our Bhutanese mentality where we think that the goods across the border is cheaper. I am back in this godforsaken place. In the middle of the year when the heat is at the highest celsius possible with occasional cool down when it rains. Well, not exactly godforsaken place. God, if there is ever a one, has not forsaken this place yet, however, the development that should have taken places have really forsaken this town. Either its because of the border issues or either no one likes to think of this town to bring development. The town is finally boasting one lone meatshop. Hallelujah for carniv…

Memories

I love travelling and meeting people on the way. Its strange because I never keep lasting relationship with anyone of them but the pleasant memories they give me makes me smile back for that brief interlude they gave me to my life. I will not be writing about my stay here if not for this two people who are surviving here in Big Apple. My cousin squeezed me in this tiny room he just rented day before I was suppose to come here. the place was a studio apartment shared along with two and a half people. Then he left because he got a job somewhere else and cant afford to miss it. He left me among this total strangers – two men and one small boy of 11 years old. After buying some something for me to survive on till I leave this place – and nope I wont be meeting him after this. Sigh!! why did I insist on coming here?  I have no idea what I was suppose to do till I leave this place and I wont be seeing him ever!!! What a messed up plan. On top of that this apartment –B1- seems to be the only…

Lord of the Rings

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The Siege of Mirkwood - The free online MMORPG game won many awards and people at Turbine Inc. who brought the games like dungeons and dragons work hard to keep the experience of millions of gamers around the world as smooth as possible. The graphics are sleek and the game playing experience is an experience itself. When I am bored and in front of the computer its hard not to log in to the game and play. Anyone can play this game and best of all its free but of course not all the quests are free. However, with the free game playing you can get to a decent level of thirty and still get your ass kicked. While we are on free games Dungeons and Dragons is also free game to play. The hunter- that is me. I could pull a mean DPS (damage per second) and an important class when in fellowship. Can solo most of the time but once you are hit you die before you can say mama. Probably because I wear medium armor. Usually I hang around with Guardian or Warden. They aggro while I fire my arrows like …

Nazar

“Nazar…”……"as in Nazareth the name of the place in Israel”I looked at him. Nazar…it sounded beautiful. It brought the image of mud houses, sprawling across the brown ground, covering vast expanse of desert; of little boys running through the alleys of the houses with kites in their hand. Seems Kite Runner is still running in my head. Or maybe my over imaginative  mind is  taking its toll. It was strange meeting him in this place of all the place. “It’s a beautiful name. Does it have any meaning?” I asked. I had plenty of time and didn’t know what to do. And he was there where I had come out for breath of fresh air and rethink what was my next plan. He looked around fortyish and was smoking alone. I looked around taking in my surrounding. There was a big pot of mixed flowers, and only me and him seems to be the only person right now. It looked like I have just selected the smoking area to come out for fresh air.  “No..no..no meaning. Just like the name of the place. Nazareth.” He …

Losing my religion

Life catches on, move on and you are sucked in with the daily events and small things that consists of your life. Then you are caught suddenly thinking what you are doing with your life. What is it you want. What is your purpose. That is so trite. But once in a while you question your purpose here and trying to find the meaning of your existence. You forget to pray. Pray for what? There was a time I will religiously take my rosary and pray like crazy and pull those small markings that said how many times you chanted yourself sore. Now, I have lost my sense of being in touch with myself. Acknowledging that something bigger than me is at force and I am part of it. What happened? Life caught on and I lost myself into mindless pleasure of little things that somehow doesn’t really matter. But then chanting everyday somehow didn’t give me the same pleasure that used to give me. It doesn’t have sense anymore. To whom am I chanting? Am I reminding myself of something? When you are ready the G…

Playing Russian roulette with our relationship?

Life has become strange. Its strange to hear when people start playing russian roulette with their relationship. The thrill of chase, the thrill of taking chances, the thrill of having another notch on their bed post, I suppose. Wonder what happened to trust. Wonder what happened to forever ever together. Sometimes its like a musical chair the way partners are changed. Why are we so weak that for moment that we are willing to give up everything that we believe in? Its strange to hear your own principles mock at you. Its strange to hear your own trust in someone shatter. Funny, how they can move on without conscience. Like in russian roulette someone has to die, someone has to win. Who will win? Who will kill this relationship beyond saving?

Fools really rush in

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“Hell hath no fury, than the women scorned.” That is so debatable. I wish she showed fury. I wish she reacted and beat the crap out of him. I wish she’d gone on with her life instead of lamenting her single, heart broken status on facebook for all to see. She is young, pretty and hopelessly in love with a wrong person. Been separated for more than two years and I still get her sad status on facebook. Somehow, that awful guy doesn’t seem to get out of her head and heart(?). I tell her get on with her life and bloody hell with that stupid guy who left her with one child. She says she has gone with her life. Her baby is growing up. She is socializing. But why do I read her pitiful status all the time? She is even writing his name on facebook. She has never gone on with her life. She is stuck with her bruised heart with the picture of that two-timing rat forever entrenched in her heart. The two-timing rat has moved on with another girl. He moved on before they got separated. And she was …

The ugliest blog

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After lot of tinkering around I somehow managed to make my blog the ugliest. The editing feature gave up and now my writings are looking all cramped up starving for space. When I am reading something, I like to read that is flowing perfectly with enough space between paragraphs telling me its a paragraph. My writing simply doesn't have paragraphs, infact its looking like it doesn't want paragraphs and the alignment is not aligning. What was once a presentable look now looks so ugly starving for space and some decent writing.

Honestly, the theme is making me sick too. All I need to do is change the colors like some of the blogs I have been complaining about, and I am sure I will take the award for the ugliest blog. Seriously thinking of changing to wordpress.

ps- still in experimenting mood.

Jon Steward-at his sarcastic best

Alter EGO

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I have an alter ego. Its the other voice provoking and questioning me. Its there with its ever cynical view of life and world. Its there to keep me sane sometimes. Its there to beat the odds. Its there to make me survive. My alter ego if ever came to life is a person with red lipstick, wears rakish hat that beats all the hats of Kate Middleton's wedding guests, killer black heels, with a cigarette in one hand. She is cynical, waspish and takes no prisoner attitude. If provoked she’d have you for breakfast. She is fast, she is loose, she sees world through jaded eyes, she is old soul. And now, I have no idea where I am heading with this piece.

The good and bad blogs

Is it me or my eyes? The blogs I visit are interesting and wonderful to read. Everything fits in together. The writing, the page, the layout, the text - beautiful. And some are just barely readable. The background and the text colors kind of merge into one making readers squint and grit through the readings. I give up as soon as I see the horrible merge-into-one blogs. One top of that I wonder how they can read their own blog with that kind of background. I think I should cut some slack here, I remember having a hard time with my own color synchronization. But, gawd, its awful to know I might have missed one brilliant writing because of the colors or whatever they call it. Template? Awa, shucks, maybe its my eyes and my age. Feeling old biddy reading those pages. Those dark colors are used for photographs or graphics blog I think. For textual blog, I am sure light colors are ok that doesnt somehow blend with your text colors. I am not an expert on blog layout. Look at my blog layout. …

All that husking!

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In quest to drown myself in romance I picked up an old favorite of mine. A book by Judith McNaught – Whitney, My love. I have this as ebook so it was great to pick it up and read it. It was a favorite of mine years ago. So, I thought why not read it again, huh? So, I did. As soon as I read, I was irritated. I never read books romance book again. Like I said its to be read and forgotten or kept as a reminder of what a wonderful book it was. But, remembering what a wonderful book it was I read it again –against my better judgment not to spoil it with my criticism you usually find after reading it again. I shouldn’t have. I really shouldn’t have read it. The book got spoilt by all the husking the characters does.

“I want you.” he husked….husked?? husked?!! how does one husk? shouldn’t it be huskily or whatever? 
“I don’t want you.” she husked back..oh please not again..husked?? mama help me!!!
After lot of husking through midway. I gave up. I couldn’t torture myself with being husked left a…

Kite Runner and Me

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Ok, I read Kite Runner. And I need something to distract me from that book. It is one of those times when I read a book and wished I was not affected. I need those insufferable historical romance book like NOW. Why do  I get involved with the characters and the plot. Oh why? I don’t understand it either. Kite Runner is a beautiful book and reminded me of the to Kill a Mockingbird. If anyone is into reading books I highly recommend this one. Amir’s journey is beautiful, sad and just human trying to find a place in the world as a Man. Its not like those fictional high paced story where you read and afterwards forget. Like my historical romance, or Dan Brown (ok, I like his book for teaching me about da Vinci and symbolism), or John Grishman (I learned something about law by the way), or Sidney Sheldon (bless his soul and may he rest in peace-I learned nothing..but I grew up reading his book).
Kite Runner is one of those rare book which has found a keeper on your shelf. I am very selecti…

Definitely Kindle

Right!! I decided. Here I go..and kindle here you come to me. I would have preferred Ipad. I love gadgets though most of the time I cant figure out how to use all the features but the comfort and ease it brings to ones life is just pure SIN. And I would definitely indulge myself if I have money rolling in my bank. I'd buy gadget over gold anytime. No wonder, my husband, looks at me as if I have grown horns when once in a while I think of buying gold. But, mind you, I dont have any gold in my name. Not yet. But I suppose I will buy it one day when I finally decide I had enough of gadgets. but the problem of gadgets are .......Sigh!! All the scrimping and saving and then when you are finally able to buy it they have moved on to better, newer and expensive version. Like the time I wanted to buy PS2 and when I finally managed enough money, lo and behold, what you know...PS3 came out.....I wanted to cry, kick or do something against the world. It wasnt fair that PS2 price went down and…

kindle or ipad

should i buy kindle or ipad....ye gods!!! i dont know...i am torn i want ipad but the cost is too much..so second choice is kindle..but do i need kindle at all.....*biting nails*. its matter of life and death choice and of course money...

was it fate or a choice?

Once in a while when life seems to hang and you feel like you are in limbo not knowing whether there is a straight road ahead of you or a curve with surprises , I wonder was it my fate or my choice I am here in the limbo. What is fate? What was my choice? Did I ever had it? Is everything guided by the invisible hand of karma or fate? Is there such thing as freedom of choice at all? Am I a fool to think that I made the choice without outside influence on my decision and thought? Is it fate that I am a good person or bad person? Do I have a choice to be a good person? or bad person? or is it karma that has made me who I am? I maybe confused and the depression manic is taking control of me. Whatever!The biggest question and debate I have is on choice of one’s life partner. It all started with my husband saying because of laye, previous life deed that I am his wife. Huh??? Excuse? He meant that he couldn’t have avoided marrying me even if he didn’t want me. Because the great laye made sur…

Now what?

I am almost done here. Time to go back home to my little baby and my husband. But now what? What do I want to do with my life? I don’t know. It’s the pressing question I have been getting often these days. Maybe write a book? I always wanted to do that. But for life of me…I don’t know how I am going to do that. My english is not so good and I am yet to come up with a story. I had a story in my mind of a young boy who goes looking for treasure of his family. Had it in my mind ever since I was in high school and it is still there in my head. The boy was based on my brother. But I am thinking can he be my hero in the story? He has grown up and with all the fears of adolescent he is facing the world the best he can. But I still remember him when he was young boy with all the innocence and joy of youth. He was magical and sweetest boy and he ended up giving me inspiration for my story running in my head. I am still thinking between four men in my life. a) My husband – he is spoilt brat and…

Ah ha ..here I am

Well What you know..go missing in action for few months and I couldnt locate where the new post tab was...spent like half an hour looking crazy all over. Its 3 am and I am at my wits end. I have a paper due today and I still havent finished it. Its crazy and here I am back to my long lost blog and wishing I can make it more interesting like I see on others. Really, I need to slow down and not rush through as I often tend to do with my life and everything I do. I feel like there has to be a rainbow at the end if I finish this fast...and I do finish fast but the quality always sucked. At least I am being honest about it. Hmmm...Really that reminds me..back to that paper, right now!!!